


Darkness Can Often Be Enticing

by FeelTheFiction



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Apothecary, Eventual Romance, F/M, Illyria - Freeform, Mating Bond, More tags to be added, Pining, Rating May Change, Sickness, Velaris, Viruses, because how would we have fun if the characters weren't emotionally stunted?, no y/n, refusal to acknowledge emotions, that are not connected to the covid pandemic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-20
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-17 23:32:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 17,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21501607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FeelTheFiction/pseuds/FeelTheFiction
Summary: After working as an apothecary in the Dawn Court for most of your life, the High Lady of the Night Court offers you a place in Velaris. However, the simple life that you've built for yourself in the City of Starlight gets shaken up when you meet the infamous Shaowsinger.
Relationships: Azriel (ACoTaR)/Original Character(s), Azriel (ACoTaR)/Original Female Character(s), Azriel (ACoTaR)/Reader
Comments: 163
Kudos: 480
Collections: Acotar





	1. Chapter 1

He looked like a god, you thought. Like some sort of deity that had been forged from shadows and secrets. An extension of the darkness itself. The tendrils of smokey black shadow that continuously drifted around him testified to this. The Shadowsinger was something to fear, something ruthless and powerful and deadly and-

By the mother, he was _beautiful_. You hadn’t been able to stop staring since you caught sight of him.

It was such a juxtaposition, to see a being of such darkness among the vibrancy of the Rainbow. The colourful district exploded in activity around him and yet he stood silently and leisurely in the same place outside of the brightly painted building. So still. So calm. Unbothered by the noisy traffic of life happening around him.

Your heart fluttered irrationally in your chest.

Tales of the Night Court’s spymaster had reached your ears before you’d made your home in Velaris. You’d been told stories of his dark power over campfires, and overheard whispers exchanged in dimly lit corners about his cruelty. None of them had mentioned his elegant allure. Perhaps you were a fool for being enticed by him when others feared him so.

A strong breeze rushed down the street, tousling your unbound hair. You shivered. It was well into the night and you had neglected to bring a jacket with you on your after-work trip to the little cafe.

Sighing, you began to gather your things. The apartment you had taken up residence in was lovely, as things generally were in the City of Starlight, but you did prefer doing your research outside in the open as opposed to in your study. Hopefully, Velaris retained its vivacity as the winter months approached and you remembered to dress more warmly.

Letting yourself indulge in one last glance at the gorgeous Illyrian across the street, you were surprised to find his eyes already on you, his head tilted slightly as if in curiosity, but his face unreadable.

You took in a long breath. Mother above, you hoped he hadn’t noticed your unabashed staring earlier. It would be less than ideal to develop a reputation as someone who lurks in the distance and stares at attractive men she doesn’t know.

Quickly you grabbed the last of your things, trying not to seem as though you were suddenly in a hurry in case he was still watching you. With each step you took down the bustling pathway your shoulders relaxed a little more.

You had gone three months without ever laying eyes upon him. The only people you had ever talked to from the High Lord’s Inner Circle was Elain Archeron, who regularly sought you out for your knowledge and the High Lady who had granted you residency in the city. While you would probably have another encounter with the Shadowsinger, you doubted it would be anytime soon.

“Excuse me, Miss?”

The voice was the embodiment of cool, smooth darkness and you knew it belonged to him before you even turned around.

The male who you had compared to a god was now only a few feet away from you.

His eyes were hazel.

“You left this on the chair at the cafe.” He said.

You blinked at the book in his outstretched hand. “Oh.” You said, following that profound statement with, “I must’ve been caught up in my thoughts and forgotten it was there.”

“That’s understandable. You looked like you were very immersed in your work.” He said.

Your face heated. He either knew that you had been staring at him for the past few minutes and was teasing you or he had been looking at you beforehand when you were actually concentrated on what you were supposed to be doing. His face gave no clues as to which option was true, so you didn’t embarrass yourself by asking.

“I guess I do tend to get caught up in it.” You said. “I imagine you’re the same.”

“I am.” He nodded. “Though I don’t often leave in such a hurry that I forget my 'Encyclopedia of Xianese poisons'.” He read the title with amusement and held out the book to you, a smirk ghosting his lips. "Perhaps I should be keeping a closer eye on you from now on." You hadn't expected him to have a sense of humour.

“Perhaps you should.” You retorted.

You went to take your book and the wisp of shadow that had been dwindling near his elbow suddenly reached out to encircle your wrist. Your eyes flicked down and your breath stilled, bracing for something. However, where you had expected bleakness and suffocation from his shadows there was only a strong, soothing gentleness.Before you could examine the feeling any further the Shadowsinger snatched back his hand, still holding your book.

“I am extremely sorry. I never intended for that to happen.” He wouldn’t meet your gaze directly and you noticed his other hand had clenched into a fist and the shadows around him had become thicker, as if he was trying to hide in them. “I will just leave your book on the bench here-“

“Don’t worry. They don’t bother me.” You said.

And it was true. So weirdly, jarringly true that you had no qualms about the darkness that twisted around his body. The Shadowsinger’s unreadable mask faltered and he looked at you, surprised. You realised that his abilities would probably make most people nervous.

You stepped forward and took the book from him. The shadows danced around your hand again, but you didn’t linger on the entrancing sensation and instead retracted your arm to look at the cover.

“Thank you for returning this to me.” When you looked at him again his face was once more unreadable. “This is actually an extremely useful book for my work. It would be very inconvenient if you hadn’t chased me down with it.”

“I guess it was a good thing I was in such a hurry to catch up to you then.” He said. “You’re welcome.”

Seconds passed and neither of you said anything. Just as you were about to bid him goodbye, he spoke.

“You’re the apothecary that Feyre sought out, aren’t you?” He asked.

You hugged the book to your chest. You had assumed he didn’t know who you were, but you should have known that the Spymaster would keep track of all newcomers to his secret city.

“Yes, I am.” You told him your name.

“I’m Azriel.” He smiled a little more. “Though you probably already knew that. Elain has said you'e very talented.”

“I’m flattered that the High Lady’s sister thinks so highly of me, but of course she would say that. Elain is one of my sweetest customers.”

“But it’s true though, isn’t it? Your research of the Blue Disease two centuries ago was crucial to its cure. I actually meant to seek you out as soon as you got here, in the hopes that you would lend me your expertise.”

“Oh.” You didn’t know what to say. Ten minutes ago you would have thought that you were no more than another woman at a cafe to the Shadowsinger, just another stranger. “I wasn’t aware that you knew so much about me.”

He glanced to the side and seemed to deliberate his words. “It’s my job as spymaster to know things about people.”

He looked back at you and you held his gaze. His eyes were really such a nice colour. “I guess that’s fair.” You finally said, “and I would be happy to discuss anything you need. Is there a time that suits you?”

Even under all of that Illyrian leather, his shoulders seemed to relax. “Three days from now, at this time, if you’re available?”

You nodded. “That’s fine. Meet me at my shop, I’ll have just closed up.”

“I'll see you then." Azriel said. He opened his mouth to say something else, then closed it again. Then nodding his head in farewell he finally said, "enjoy the rest of your evening," and walked back to the front of the brightly painted building. 

You turned around inhaled a long, deep breath. Whatever expectations you had for tonight, that certainly wasn’t it.


	2. Chapter 2

You let out a long sigh as you flipped over the **“closed”** sign in your store’s front window. Midnight was your usual closing time and you were glad it had finally come. The apothecary had been busy that day, much like it had been for the last week. With winter settling in, the people of Velaris were eager to stock up on remedies and preventions for colds and sickness should they need it.

There was no trace of snow in the city streets as you peered out the window, but you knew it wasn’t far off. Years of living alone in a cabin in the Dawn woods had schooled you into a habit of anticipating when the snow would settle, needing to take precautions before the worst of it set in. It was a relief, but an unusual relief, to no longer do that.

Aylee, the girl you had hired for additional help in the store, was still busy restocking the shelves around the counter. You’d have to wave her off soon, as it had been three days since you’d spoken with the Shadowsinger. Tonight was the night he was due to see you.

_Azriel._ Your stomach fluttered with unwanted butterflies as you thought of him.

“So he’s not scary at all?” Aylee asked as you made your way back to the counter. Throughout the past half an hour, the only quiet time through the night, you’d been telling her about the shadowsinger and how he was coming here tonight.

“I didn’t say that.” You said. “He’s… intimidating, but not in the way I've heard people talk about him.”

“What do you mean?”

You opened the till to count it for the evening, but your hands halted on the edges of the drawer. “People from the Dawn Court have always talked about him as some sort of ghoulish, unfeeling spectre. But he’s not. I mean, I do feel nervous around him, but I’m not afraid that he'd hurt me or anything.”

“Well of course he wouldn’t hurt you. He has no reason to hurt anyone in Velaris.” Aylee said. She grunted as she dragged another box over to the shelf.

“But people are still afraid of him.” It was true. You hadn’t heard anybody talk badly about the shadowsinger in Velaris, not as they had in Dawn, but now and then you heard people whisper uncertainly about him.

“That's just because of his shadows. People don’t know what they are and it frightens them.”

“How do they work?” You wondered out loud. “I mean, was he born with them? Do they actually spy on people and talk to him?”

Aylee shrugged. “I’m not sure. No one really knows. And no one is brave enough to ask. He’s quite a standoffish person, even when he goes out with his friends.” She grinned.” Maybe you should ask him since you’re not afraid of him.”

You rolled your eyes at her. “I hardly think that would be appropriate.”

A soft rapping sounded from the doorway interrupted your conversation. You and Aylee stilled, turning to each other slowly, then back to the door. It was unmistakably the Shadowsinger standing outside. Aylee’s eyes were wide as you called out, “Come in!”

The opening of the door brought a cold rush of air into the shop. Azriel’s figure took up most of the door frame, the lights from the street outside glowing behind his enormous wings and the shadows circulating them. He looked ethereal.

Realising that you were staring you forced yourself to speak. “Hello, Azriel.”

“Hello.” The shadowsinger nodded his head, eyes darting to Aylee as he closed the door. His shadows curled tightly around his torso.

“This is Aylee. She’s my shop’s assistant.”

“Hi.” Aylee squeaked out.

“Pleasure to meet you.” The shadowsinger said, his voice cool and quiet. Aylee just nodded silently, red dusting her cheeks.

You studied him as he spoke. He was more tense than he was when you first met; his posture rigid and his expression impassive. Were the shadows that swirled around his body were more abundant than they had previously been? You couldn’t be sure.

Tearing your eyes away from the shadowsinger you turned to Aylee. “You’ve done more than enough work for today. Why don’t you head on home?”

“Right. Yes. Of course.” Aylee grabbed her jacket and headed for the door. “It was nice meeting you.” She stuttered out to Azriel before heading into the cool winter night, adding a quick goodbye to you as she rushed onto the street.

The Shadowsinger watched her leave. Only once the door had banged shut did his posture loosen, shoulders relaxing and his hands that you hadn’t even realised had circled into fists unclenched.

His eyes trailed the jars, bottles and boxes that lined the shelves. You wrung your hands together, your foot scuffing on the floor. You knew your store was up to the standard of some of the best apothecaries in Prythian and that your expertise in the trade was more than reliable. You didn’t need the approval of a spymaster, so why did it feel like you wanted it?

“You have a lovely store.” He finally said, gaze catching on a particular product, “and very well stocked. I usually have to go all the way to the Winter Court if I need blue maple bark.”

“Thank you.” You began walking into the to the stairs at the back of the store and gestured for him to follow. “It took a little while to get it up and running. Ordering stock to be delivered to a city most people don’t know the location of was a bit tricky, but Feyre helped me organise a lot of that. And now I have Aylee to be an extra set of hands.”

The apothecary had three levels if you counted the rooftop. The ground floor was the store itself, while the floor above it was split into two rooms. One was for keeping stock and the other doubled as a break room and a workroom, where you conducted your research and mixed your medicines. That’s where you lead the shadowsinger.

The workroom was a lot more comfortable than the ones you were used to working in. In the centre sat a large wooden table, half overrun with books and jars and various plants, while the other half had been kept clear to ensure create a space to eat, at Aylee’s insistence.

The walls of the room were mostly lined with cupboards, shelves and benchtops that resembled the same state of the more cluttered half of the table. A small kitchenette was tucked in amongst them on the wall opposite the door. In between the various shelves sat large windows, varying in shape and size. Only the dim lights of the city could be seen from them now, so you illuminated the room with little orbs of faelight.

“Does the hatch lead to the roof?” Azriel asked, nodding to the attic ladder in the far corner.

“Yes, I have most of my plants up there in a makeshift garden. There’s a good amount of sunlight in here during the day, but not enough to keep them alive.” You gestured to the table. “Please, sit down. Would you like something to drink?”

“No that’s alright, thank you.” He said, taking a seat. “Do you work most days?”

“Sunday is the only day I have off and let Aylee run the store. Although I still do tend to do research when I'm not at work” You said, taking a seat next to him. His shadows swirled toward you, barely skimming the edge of your clothes.

"Does that process of research include leaving your book of poisons on a cafe chair?" He said, the edges of his mouth turning upwards. 

"Only when I want to make men chase after me." I countered.

"That's an interesting way of going about it, but I guess you achieved your goal." 

"I guess I did." You rested your hand on your chin and turned him. “So, what is it that you need my expertise for?”

“I have a few things, actually.” The shadowsinger pulled out a list. “But they may not be your... usual requests."

"How so?" 

"What I need isn't for healing."

"So you need poisons?" You said.

He looked down at his list and tilted his head to the side. "Among other things. It's a... very specific list” 

“The more challenging the more exciting.” You said, taking the list from him. 

Scanning the paper you realised the Spymaster wasn't exaggerating when he said what he needed wasn't remedial. 

"Damn Shadowsinger, you really don't fool around, do you?" 

"I try not to. Though sometimes it is enjoyable." 

You raised your gaze as the obvious double entendre and found a ghost of a smirk lingering on his lips. "And here I was assuming you were a celibate."

He huffed out a small laugh and you could feel yourself smiling as well. 

"I'll have these ready by next Wednesday." You told him.

"So soon?" 

"I'm very good at my job." You said. A job which now, apparently, meant providing the Shadowsinger with tools for espionage. "And even though my services are mainly medicinal, my speciality is, and has always been, poison."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Sorry it's been so long since I've updated, my computer decided to die and I've only just gotten a new one. I've also gone back and made a few tiny changes to chapter 2 that I thought made it a little bit better if you wanted to have a reread of that. Hope you enjoy this chapter!

The sky was tinged with soft hues of pink that preceded the breaking light of dawn. You’d chosen your apartment for its wide windows that faced the East, from which you could see the sun rise over the giant mountains that guarded Velaris. Although it wasn’t ever as spectacular as it was in the Dawn Court, it still reminded you of home.

When blushing sky melted into a warm orange, you’d finished your breakfast and dragged yourself out from the blanket you’d been wrapped in on the couch and got ready for the day. Every morning used to start this early for you, but the change of courts had come with a culture shock as you realised Night’s citizens opted for a sleep schedule opposite to yours.

As you left your apartment and began the walk to your shop, the light of daybreak had started to reflect off the recently snowcapped tops of the mountains, hazily illuminating the upper storeys of the city’s buildings. There were few people out and about in the morning. Like yours, most shops didn’t open until after midday.

Despite being a drastic change to your new sleep schedule, you found that being in Velaris at this time of day was something you enjoyed. Without the bustling energy that usually ran through the city, it was easier to breathe. To think. It made it a perfect time to work on the list that Azriel had given you.

Like today, the last few mornings had been spent trekking to the shop at sunrise in order to get the work done. You stopped only for a coffee break in the middle of the morning, usually just eating as you worked.

When Aylee had come into work the day after you met with Azriel and realised that you’d been there all morning, extremely sleep deprived due to the interruption of your sleep schedule, she’d chastised you for working so much.

“This is way too much effort to be putting into one order.” She’d said. “Besides there isn’t any reason you can’t get this done during store hours. You’re going to be finished days early at this rate.”

“I like working with poisons and things like them,” you’d argued, “and Azriel is an important member of Rhysand’s court. I want him to be happy with what I give him.”

“Oh, I bet you do.” Aylee gave you a pointed look. “In my opinion, I’d say he’d be pleased with _whatever_ you give him.”

Heat had risen to your cheeks. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just wanted him to come back - as a customer, Aylee.” You added when she raised her eyebrows.

Aylee just made a sound of disagreement and left you to your work.

As per usual, the air in the apothecary today was still and filled with the aroma of plants. Aylee wouldn’t be in until two o’clock which gave you the whole morning to yourself. The workroom was overrun with old books you’d scoured from your collection and trial runs of the poisons, paralysis drugs and anaesthesia (among other things) that Azriel had requested.

Ever since coming to Velaris there hadn’t been any shady customers with face coverings coming in during slow hours and requesting questionable products. Even if there had been, you would turn them away. Velaris was such a bright city and sometimes, with your obsession with poisons and deadly flora, you felt as if you didn’t belong there, like you were some sort of stain on its purity.

You pushed aside those thoughts and sat down to begin your work. By the time Aylee arrived to open the store you realised that you only had two items left on Azriel’s list. You felt a little disappointed since you still had three days left until he was coming to collect them and soon you’d be back to making common, everyday potions.

You were really hoping he’d request more.

The workday went fairly smoothly, even though you were itching to get back to your project upstairs for most of it. In the late afternoon Elain walked over the threshold and the whole store seemed to brighten in her presence.

“Good afternoon Elain.” You said.

“Hey, Elain!” Aylee called, unseen behind a shelf.

“Hello, Aylee!” She called back, walking up to the counter. “Good afternoon to you too. Busy day today?”

“No more than usual. Just giving people advice on how to avoid getting ill and then giving them medicine when they ignore what I tell them.”

“Well, it’s good business at least?” She said. You laughed and nodded your head once in reluctant agreement. “But I’m afraid I’m going to need some medicine as well.”

“Well since you seem nothing short of vibrantly healthy I assume a member of your family can’t say the same.”

“None of them sick either. Well not yet, anyway. I got a letter from Nesta today saying there are a few bad cases of the flu in Windhaven. I wanted to get some medicine to send back with Cassian tomorrow if I could?”  
  
“How much do you need?”

“I want to send at least two crates.”

“Elain, you’re going buy me out of business.” You said. She smiled sheepishly.

“I only want to help. And besides Azriel has been doing some scouting there for the last few days and Cassian is going back tomorrow, I’d hate for them to get sick.”

“Azriel’s scouting in Illyria? Is it true that there’s still talk of an uprising against lord Rhysand?”

About two years after the war against Hybern there were rumours of people in the Illyrian camps opposing Rhysand’s rule. The unrest was vocal enough that news of it reached even you in the Dawn Court. It never amounted to an actual rebellion, with the Inner Circle quickly gaining the upper hand, but you knew better than to think the discord had dissolved completely.   
  
“Some, I think," Elain said vaguely, breaking eye contact to look at the little vials on the counter. “I’m not too sure on the details. I don’t really involve myself with all of that.”

Elain definitely knew more than she was letting on, but you knew not to press her for information. Maybe you could squeeze the truth out of Azriel on Wednesday.

“That’s fair enough. Just the two crates of my flu remedy then?” You said, making a note to order more ingredients for it in.

“If that’s okay? I’m sorry, I know it’s a lot and I don’t want to leave you out of stock.”

“It’s not a problem, I have enough supplies on hand to make more before the next shipment comes in. Azriel is coming in on Wednesday to pick up-“ You stopped yourself when the thought occurred to you that Azriel might not want sweet, gentle Elain to know that he poisons people. “Uh, to pick this version of truth serum I’ve been playing around with. I can send it with him if you’d like?”

“Cassian and Rhysand are going back to Windhaven tomorrow and I’d rather the ill have it as soon as possible. Would you mind delivering it to the River Estate later on? I’ll pay you extra for it of course.”

You schooled your face into neutrality, pretending as if knocking in the door of the High Lord and Lady’s home didn’t make your stomach turn. “Of course. I'll bring it over just after sunset. And don’t worry about the extra cost, just tell everyone amazing I am.”

“Well, then I’ll be sure to tell everyone I meet how wonderful our apothecary is." She picked up one of the vials and examined it. “Azriel did mention that he ran into you the other night.”

“Yes. I uh, left this book behind at a cafe and he ran after me to return it.”

“That sounds like Azriel. You know despite what some people might think about him, especially people outside of Velaris, he is really is a good person.”

You thought of all the items on his list, some of which were actually illegal in certain courts. “I’m sure he always has the best of intentions.”

“He does.” She agreed. “He’s very loyal. Such a great listener, too.”

“Well he is a spymaster so I don’t doubt he’s very attentive.” Elain hummed in agreement.

“Sometimes men aren’t. Males, sorry.” Elain laughed. “I’ll never get used to that.”

“I’m sure it must take some getting used to.” You said. “Should I-”

“He’s also extremely attractive, don’t you think?” 

“Um.” You stuttered, not expecting Elain to be so blunt, and slightly confused by why she was. She looked at you expectantly. “Yes, I guess he is quite handsome.”

Elain smiled like she was satisfied with your answer. “Is it alright if I just put that on my account?”  
  
“Of course, I’ll write it in.” You said. “Elain, why-”

“Oh my gosh, look at the time," Elain said, glancing toward the clock behind me. “I promised Feyre I’d be back by now. I’d better get going.”

You paused, staring at her for a few seconds. Sometimes Elain’s behaviour could be a little out of the ordinary. The occasional pause in speaking without continuing, staring off into space, facial expressions changing for no reason. You had an inkling that Elain had retained her seer gifts that the cauldron had given her. You’d never asked her about it though. You didn’t want to lose one of your only friends in this city by being too nosy.

“Wouldn’t want to keep the High Lady waiting, I guess.” You finally said.

“I guess not.” She laughed. “I’ll see you soon!”. She turned and headed for the door, calling out a goodbye to Aylee as she stepped onto the street.

The door closed gently behind her and you shook your head, tapping your pen against the paper in front of you.

“That was weird.” Aylee voiced your thoughts, appearing beside you like she often did. “But I'm fairly certain my suspicions are confirmed.”

“What suspicions?”

“That Azriel likes you.” She said.

Your stomach did a flip. “What are you talking about?”

“Oh please. Elain was trying to talk him up to you!”

“No, she wasn’t. Elain wouldn’t do something like that.” As you said the words you realised you didn’t know if they were true. ‘

Aylee snorted. “Did you even see the way he looked at you when he walked in the other night. And don’t go looking all confused because you couldn’t take your eyes off of him either!"

“You’re being ridiculous.” You said. “The Shadowsinger is my client, not my crush. A client, mind you, that I’m hoping will continue to do business with us, so even if I did want to-” you made a hand gesture.

“Shag him?” Aylee supplied.

“ _Pursue a relationship_ with him,” you corrected, “it would be unprofessional.”

Aylee rolled her eyes. “I give it two more weeks of looking at those _very_ well defined arm muscles before you eat your words and bang him in the stockroom.”

“If I was going to have sex with Azriel, which I won’t, I’m sure he’d be polite enough to take me somewhere nicer than a stockroom.”

Aylee laughed and went back to scaling shelves, while you tried to figure out a way to make this delivery as quick and painless as possible.


	4. Chapter 4

Although the River House lacked the towering grandeur of the castles other High Lords resided in, it was obvious that this was home to the most important family in Prythian. From what you could see in the dark as you had driven your horse and cart through the open gates and up to the manor, the gardens were enormous, lovely and were no doubt well tended to by Elain even in these colder months.Even after sunset, you could see that the house itself was magnificent. It was a beautifully designed manor with no less than three stories and a grand set of stairs that led to the front door.

You were standing in the portico, the only light coming from the lamps on the walls either side of you. The double entrance doors reached above your head and were framed by an intricately carved wooden frame. Frosted glass encircled the doors and through it you could make out a large, warmly lit entrance.

Despite your warm clothes, it was still quite chilly. You rubbed your hands together for warmth.

You didn’t usually do house calls for rulers. Was it normal to just knock on their door? Velaris did seem to be more typically laid back in regards to its High Lord and Lady, but you didn’t want to break any sort of social rule.

You pulled up the knocker and hit it against the door thrice, then stepped back. There was no answer. You waited for one minute, which turned into two. Five minutes went by before you worked up the courage to knock again. There was still no answer. Surely there had to be someone at home in this massive house?

A loud whoosh of air came from behind you. You turned just in time to see a very large winged male descend from the sky and land with a _thump_ in front of the entrance steps. The seven red siphons on the general’s Illyrian armour spoke for who he was. He straightened, then looked you up and down.

“We don’t usually have anyone come knocking this late. Who might you be?” He called out as he began to walk up the steps.

“I’m the apothecary.” You said. His eyes widened slightly in recognition. “I have a delivery for Elain.”

“Elain? Nothing for Azriel?” He said. You had never seen someone with a bigger shit-eating grin on their face in all your life.

“No. Azriel’s order will be ready on Wednesday.” You said, knowing full well it would be ready tomorrow afternoon with the pace you were working on it. “This is for Elain. To give to you, apparently. Medicine to take back to Illyria for the flu that’s been going around.”

Cassian came to a stop in front of you and looked at the boxes on the cart you’d parked on the drive. “Elain’s very thoughtful.” He turned back you. “Her and Azriel have that in common.”

“I’m sure they do.” You said. “Where would you like-”

“Azriel’s thoughtfulness is just the beginning” Cassian interrupted you. “He’s caring, considerate, a great listener and he’s probably the most polite Illyrian warrior I’ve ever met. And he’s good with kids.”

“Good with kids?” You asked dryly.

“ _Great_ with kids.”

“I think I see what’s going on here.” You said. “Does he know?”

Cassian’s grin faltered. “What do you mean?”

“Azriel. Have you told him yet?”

“Told him what?”

“That you’re in love with him of course.” You looked around as if to make sure that no one was listening and lowered your voice to a whisper. “Or is that something that I need to keep to myself?”

Cassian didn’t answer for a few seconds, his mouth open but seemingly unsure of what to say. Then he sighed and looked dramatically across the garden.

“Unfortunately, Azriel isn’t attracted to men.”

“How unfortunate for you.” You put a hand over your heart. “You must be heartbroken.”

“Oh, I was.” He sighed dramatically. “But I’ve learnt to accept the hand I’ve been dealt. I can only hope that Azriel can find happiness with a smart, attractive female. ”

“We can only hope.” You said. Aylee’s theory that Azriel liked you popped up in your mind. If you didn’t know any better, you’d say that Cassian was flirting with you _for_ him.

“Wait,” Cassian said, looking thoughtful. “You’re an attractive, smart female who’s conveniently single aren’t you?”

For mother’s sake.

“I suppose.”

“Huh. That’s so weird. That’s exactly the kind of female that I was just saying Azriel should be with.”

“Who’s the kind of female I should be with?” Azriel’s cold voice was clear as he walked up the steps.

You hadn’t even heard him land. Perhaps he hadn’t. With the way his shadows swirled so thickly around his body you thought that perhaps he might be able to travel through spaces of darkness. His eyes traced your face and you hated the way it made your breath catch.

He raised his eyebrows at Cassian, a silent command for an explanation. Normal males would have stumbled underneath that intense gaze, but Cassian wasn’t the least bit intimidated. You wondered if that was bravery or stupidity.

“I was just thinking observing that the two of you,” he nodded to you and Azriel, “are both attractive people who conveniently happen to not be in any relationship at the moment.”

“Were you?” Azriel said.

“I was," Cassian said. “She’s a beautiful female Az, perhaps you should ask her out for dinner.”

“Perhaps you should find another way to deal with your turbulent love life aside from involving yourself in mine.”

Cassian’s playfulness dulled as he put his shoulders back and took a step towards Azriel. Azriel was unruffled, meeting his stare with equal hardness. You fiddled with your hands, looking between the two males.

“Cassian is only trying to set us up to hide his deep-rooted, unrequited for you Azriel.” You said. Azriel’s icy stare melted into one of mild amusement as he turned to look at you. “I’m sorry Cassian, I know I probably shouldn’t have told but I really think this is something you two really need to talk about.

“Your unrequited love for me?” Azriel drawled. Your relaxed your shoulders.

“He wouldn’t stop going on about you, Shadowsinger. It was practically the first thing out of his mouth when he landed.”

“You do have some very muscular arms, Az.” Cassian winked at his friend.

Azriel looked his friend up and down, unimpressed, promptly ignoring him. “What brings you here? Shouldn’t you be at the shop?”

“I have a delivery for Elain.” You gestured to the cart. “Is there somewhere I can leave it?”

“Cassian can unload them. Just put them by the steps.” Azriel told his friend.

Cassian looked between us with a smirk before walking down the steps to the cart.

“Whatever he said to you, I apologise," Azriel said.

“It’s alright. I don’t think I ever expected the Lord of Bloodshed to behave so…”

“Childish?” He supplied.

“Pretty much.” You played with the hem of your gloves, hoping what you about to say wasn’t going to make you look like a fool. “It's kind of weird though, how all of your friends keep on telling me about how great you are.”

Azriel tilted his head. “They have?” He sighed as you nodded. “What have they said?”

“Well, Cassian decided to emphasise how polite you were, for an Illyrian warrior.” You felt yourself grinning a little. “He also made a big deal about how amazing you were with kids.”

“Of course he did.”

“I think he might’ve been trying to be your wingman, quite literally. Either that or he wants you to father his children.”

He snorted. “He’ll be wanting for a long time then.”

“Elain also talked you up. After listing off everything she thought was wonderful about you, she asked me if I thought you were attractive.”

There was a pause when all that could be heard was the cold, night wind brushing past the house.

“What did you say?” Azriel asked. He was looking at you cautiously.

“Well I’m not blind. Of course I said you were handsome.” You stuck your hands in the pockets of your coat, kicking small flakes of snow on the concrete. “You can’t tell me that you aren’t aware of that particular fact.”

A hint of colour rose in Azriel’s cheeks, as you assume it did in yours. Suddenly, your coat seemed too warm.

“Perhaps I am aware of it, but I’m never opposed to receiving compliments from a beautiful woman.” He said, grinning gently.

_he thinks I’m beautiful he thinks I’m beautiful he thinks I’m beautiful_

Oh, look at that. Your heart stopped beating.

You let out a small, nervous laugh and said, “oh, um. That's good then.” Promptly cursing yourself for acting like a shy schoolgirl in front of literally one of the most feared people in the country.

_Professional relationship_ you reminded yourself. It wouldn’t do your business any favours if you became involved with Azriel and it ended badly. You’d come too far and worked too hard to mess things up now.

Trying to look anywhere but at the Spymaster you watched as Cassian unloaded the last of the crates from your cart, flexing his wings as he did. You rolled your eyes. You thought you saw Azriel’s wings shift out of the corner of your eyes.

“I’ve made a lot of progress with your order.” Your voice came out much higher than you wanted.

“Thank you.” He said. “I appreciate you doing that for me.”

You faced the Shadowsinger, realising he was now the one trying to avoid your gaze. You remembered what Aylee had said about his arm muscles and allowed a few seconds to admire them. They were very impressive, but he’d look better without his shirt on.

Shit. No. That's not a helpful thought.

This would be much easier if he could stop being all dark and mysterious and unfairly gorgeous.

You opened your mouth to say something but were interrupted by Cassian.

“So that’s all done.” The general dusted off his hands as he walked back to us. “I hope I didn’t miss anything important.”

“I was just telling Azriel about this potion I came across that can change the colour of someone’s skin, and we were discussing how you might look with bright pink wings.”

Out of instinct probably, Cassian tucked his wings in. Azriel smirked.

“I think I’d like to keep my wings the colour that they are now," Cassian said.

“A pity. I’m sure your soldiers would’ve been very impressed.” You told him, not even trying to hide the smile on your face. “If you don’t need me for anything else, I should get back to the shop.”

“Of course," Azriel said. “Will you be alright driving the cart home this late?”

“I’ve travelled through far harsher conditions than this, Shadowsinger, but thank you for your concern. I’ll see you on Wednesday.” You turn to Cassian. “And I’ll see you when you decide that you would, actually, prefer your wings to be pink.”

As you walked back to you cart you heard Cassian whisper to Azriel, “can she really turn my wings pink?”

  
  
“Yes.” You heard Azriel reply smoothly. “The next time you eat my chocolate I’ll pay her to do it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I obsessed with the idea of Azriel's arm muscles? Perhaps.


	5. Chapter 5

You put a hand over your mouth, trying to stifle another yawn. With the winter solstice only two weeks away, the citizens of Velaris were now scrambling to get presents for their loved ones. Aside from the occasional blushing couple discreetly entering the store for an aphrodisiac draught (no doubt to make the holiday _very_ special) the shop had been rather quiet today.

You’d decided to fill in the time by drawing up an ordering sheet for Seasonal Court supplies for the new year. It was necessary, but by the Mother was it boring. It also didn’t help that that your eyes kept sliding to the distraction under the counter.

It was Wednesday, and you’d placed the box that contained Azriel’s order underneath the counter for when he came. You’d had it ready for days of course, which meant that you’d found yourself lacking a task that challenged your expertise. Your sleep schedule may not have been the best when you were working through Azriel’s list, but you hoped he came prepared with another order today.

Not so you could see more of him, of course. It was so you had something interesting to do.

The rays of the wintery afternoon sun lazily stretched across the floor as the day slowly came to a close. The lanterns that you had replaced the faelight globes with sparked to life. You made the wicks yourself with a special type of cotton from the Continent which you easily enchanted to produce more heat than the average candle flame, erasing the need for a hearth in the store.

“He still isn’t here?” Aylee asked as the sun dipped behind the buildings on the opposite side of the street.

“No.” You tapped your pencil against the counter.

“He said he’d be here.”

“It’s only six o’clock, Aylee. We’re open till midnight. Are you really that desperate to ogle him again?”

“If anyone _ogles_ him it’s you. At least I’m not afraid to admit that I find him attractive. Besides, the best part of his visits is watching you try not to swoon over him.”

You rolled your eyes. “I have never swooned over him. The Shadowsinger is-“

“Your client.” Aylee drawled. “You say that as if you haven’t told me that excuse at least twenty times already. Don’t you ever want a little romance?”

“If I wanted romance I would find it with someone I didn’t have to maintain a professional relationship with. And I’m sure if Azriel wanted a lover he could find one in any available woman in this city.”

The thought of Azriel holding another woman popped into your head. You hated how it made your stomach churn.

“Not really.” Aylee’s eyebrows pushed together. “Most women, even if they do think he’s attractive, tend to stay away because they’re still scared of him. Maybe that’s why he liked you - because you aren’t afraid of him.”

You remembered when he handed you your encyclopaedia, how ashamed he was when his shadows caressed your arm. It occurred to you that the people who his shadows normally touched probably didn’t find them comforting as you had. Especially not if they were one of the Night Court’s prisoners. Not if they were subject to the interrogation techniques of the Night Court’s Spymaster.

“You’re thinking about him aren’t you?” Aylee smirked.

“No. I’m not.” You glued your eyes to the orders in front of you. “How about you go do the work I pay you for?”

“I’ll keep an eye out for him through the window!” Aylee laughed as she walked back to the shelves.

Okay, so maybe you did find him attractive. And from the way Cassian was trying to play matchmaker the other day, maybe he’d mentioned to his friends that he found you attractive as well. Maybe that meant that you were more eager to see him than you would usually be for most of your clients. The fact remained that you had come too far, worked too hard, for your business and reputation to be destroyed by a tryst with the Shadowsinger.

Just because you couldn’t think of him as a lover, didn’t mean that you couldn’t think of him at all. That is as far as you would allow yourself to go.

The rest of the night went by with glanced at the clock and out the front window, trying to deduce a large pair of wings and a mass of swirling shadows amongst the bustle of the crowd. At nine o’clock there was no sign of the Shadowsinger.

At eleven o’clock, the store was empty as Velaris turned its attention away from shopping and towards the entertainment of the city. He still hadn’t shown.

When you flipped over the “open” sign to the “closed” side at midnight, the box full of poisons and lethal concoctions still sat unclaimed underneath the counter.

“I don’t think he’s coming," Aylee said as she shouldered her jacket.

“I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt and wait a few minutes.”

She gave you a sympathetic look. “Okay just don’t stay too - wait what’s that boy running from?”

You followed her line of sight to a green-skinned boy no older than 16 running frantically down the street. You recognised him as the one who usually sold Velaris’s newspapers at the end on the corner. He crossed the road and made a direct beeline for your shop.

“A late customer?” Aylee suggested.

“Maybe one of his family member’s is sick and they can’t get find a healer,” you said.

You opened the door and stepped into the entryway just as he stopped, almost out of breath.

“Are you alright?” You asked.

“Lord Azriel.” He tried to catch his breath. “Told me - told me to give this to you.”

He held out a folded piece of paper that you took from his hands slowly. He nodded in farewell and ran back down the street.

“What does it say?” Aylee asked from the doorway.

You stepped back inside and closed the door to block out the cold, unfolding the paper.

_I apologise, but I’m attending to matters outside of Velaris and will be unable to collect my order tonight. If you could please hold it for me until I can return that would be greatly appreciated._

_Again, I’m sorry for any inconvenience I’ve caused. I hope you are well,_

_Azriel_

“It’s an awkwardly formal letter explaining that he can’t collect his package today.”

“Why?”

“Business outside of Velaris, apparently.”

Aylee was silent for a moment. “I’m sorry.”

You stuffed the letter into your pocket. “Why would you be sorry?”

“Because you worked so hard on it. Because you were excited to give it to him.” She bumped your shoulder. “Hey, I know I’d be annoyed if I put a lot of effort into something only for the person I did it for not to show up on time.”

You fidgeted with your gloves. “I’m only annoyed that this was a missed opportunity to create a good reputation. Having a member of the Inner Circle endorse my work would’ve been extremely beneficial.”

Aylee raised her eyebrows. “Sure.”

You ignored her sceptical look. “You better get home. It’s getting cold out.”

“What about you?” She stood at the door, hand lingering in the handle.

“Spymaster or not I still have work to do.”

“Okay.” She said. “Just don’t stay too long. You’ll catch your death and then I’ll have to run the shop by myself.”

You stayed in the workroom for an hour after Aylee left. When your eyes could no longer focus well enough to read the script on the pages, you decided it was time to go home. The night breeze was frostier than the previous evening, yet you still lingered in the doorstep for a few moments, scanning the street for any sign of him despite knowing he wasn’t coming.

The next day went quite similarly. The only difference was that you assumed Azriel would come that day since he hadn’t the day before and you were even more disappointed when he still didn’t show. You had to glue your eyes to whatever was in front of you to avoid Aylee’s pitying glances.

Each day the expectation he would appear in the doorway started to diminish, with the close of the store each night for the rest of the week solidifying the fact that he hadn’t come that day. By the time Monday afternoon came around, you didn’t expect to see him at all.

“He isn’t worth moping about if he doesn’t commit to showing up at an arranged time and the only correspondence he gives you us some stupid letter sent a week ago," Aylee said as the sun started to set that afternoon.

“I haven’t been moping.” You said, straightening the jars of headache remedies.

“Yes, you have,” She insisted. “You need to stop. If he can’t keep his word he’s not a male worth your time. Until he makes it up to you then the Shadowsinger shouldn’t even be a thought that crosses your mind.”

“Make what up to me?”

“He said he’d be here on Wednesday and he wasn’t. So he’s not worth being sad about.”

“I’m not sad about it! It’s not like we’re lovers and he forgot our dinner date. I just tend to get frustrated when a customer doesn’t appreciate the effort I put into my work to even pick up their order on time because its just one more thing that I have to worry about.”

“Uh, boss…” Aylee said.

“Azriel isn’t some sort of disappointing suitor, he’s just a bad client.” You put down the jar you were holding a little too loudly.

“I apologise if I have things difficult for you.” You froze as you heard the Shadowsinger’s cool, smooth voice behind you. You turned to your right and there he was, the personification of darkness himself, shadows dancing around the wings that spanned across the aisle despite being tightly tucked into his body. His face, as usual, was completely unreadable. “I don’t mean to be a difficult customer.”

_Fuck._ You didn’t even hear the door open when he came in. There was no way you could act like a friendly shopkeeper after he’d just heard you insult him. You pushed your shoulders back and turned to face him completely.

“Perhaps you should consider keeping to your word then.” You tried to keep your voice steady, “You’re late. Four days late, actually.”

“You kept track?” He tilted his head slightly, shadows swirling around his torso.

“You’re lucky I don’t charge interest.”

You glanced over your shoulder to catch Aylee making her escape into the adjacent aisle. No doubt so she could hear the conversation but not be a part of it.

“I had important matters to attend to in Illyria.”

“And you couldn’t send someone to pick up your order in your stead? Or ask that I deliver it instead of keeping it here for you?”

He seemed to take a deep breath before speaking. “I wanted to collect it myself. To thank you in person.”

You tapped your fingers on the side of your thigh. “Alright then. It’s behind the counter.” Where you had kept it for days even though you normally kept orders in the stock room.

You heard Azriel’s soft footsteps behind you as you walked. “I also need to discuss another matter with you.”

“Oh?’ You round the counter and lifted the box onto it, pushing it across towards him. You regretted to admit that his eyes were beautiful and easy to get lost in, so you tried to avoid looking into them, despite him looking very intently at you. “What about?”

“You remember the sickness in the Illyrian camps that Elain was talking about? Unfortunately, it's gotten worse. It’s almost at the point of a mild pandemic. That’s why I was away. I was trying to help the sick and identify how it was spreading.”

Great. Now you felt like an asshole. You _were_ an asshole.

“Despite talking to almost everyone infected,” he continued, “I’ve come up with no clear way that the virus is spreading. We need assistance to stop the spread of the illness to the rest of the Court.”

“And you’ve come to me for that assistance.” You concluded. 

“I know you’ve had experience with rampant viruses before.”

“That’s true, but I can’t give my opinion from here. I’d have to examine those infected personally.”

Azriel gave a small nod of his head and you realised where he was going with the conversation. “That’s why Rhysand has requested that you come to the Illyrian Steppes to assist in finding a cure for the sickness.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I thought of this plotline before I even heard the Coronavirus was a thing. This fic wasn't inspired by the pandemic. 
> 
> On the topic of coronavirus, I'm sorry for not updating sooner, my job was considered an essential service during the pandemic and so we remained open, and as one of the only stores open people flocked to it and my hours (I'm a casual worker) have practically been increased to that of a full time employee for the last couple of months. Things are starting to slow down now as everything reopens, so hopefully I'll have more time to write again. 
> 
> I hope everyone is still staying safe and also supporting the Black Lives Matter movement. If you're Australian like I am I suggest doing some research on police brutality in our own country (there's a lot of it that's been swept under the rug). 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

It was getting hard to ignore the clumps of snow that had wedged themselves into your shoes as you trudged around the outskirts of Windhaven. Pushing your scarf up a little higher around your neck, you tried to combat the icy wind biting at your face. You’d never felt cold like this.

Despite the layers upon layers of clothes that Elain had instead you wear when she helped you pack earlier that day, your bones still felt stiff and frozen.

“It can’t be that bad can it?” You’d asked her.

Elain had come over to your apartment as soon as she’d heard about Rhysand requesting your help in Illyria. A request you’d accepted when she offered to help Aylee run the shop in your absence.

“I’ve only been there once and had to wear a fur-lined coat. And that was during the middle of spring. You should pack the warmest things you have.” Elain said.

“I have warm day clothes, but my nightclothes aren’t that thick and I’m assuming Illyrian cabins don’t have fires in every room.”

“No, there’s only one hearth in the home. I think most Illyrians usually share rooms or beds to preserve body heat. Most of them are quite used to the cold though.” Elain sifted through your wardrobe, picking out a woollen jumper.

“I’m not even used to the temperatures of Velaris. Do Nesta and Cassian have many blankets?”

“I’m sure they do. You’re going to be fine.”

You shoved some socks into your pack. “I was never worried that I _wasn’t_ going to be fine.”

“You’ve been worrying since I got here, and probably before that too.” Elain sat down on the bed beside your pack. “You are fantastic at your profession. Don’t be scared that you’re not going to be able to help or figure it out. If anyone can help them it’s you.”

“You think very highly of my abilities.” You mumbled.

“But if you’re anxious about going into the Illyrian mountains with all those brutish males,” Elain continued, “don’t worry about them either. You’ll have Azriel there and he won’t let anything bad happen to you. He probably won’t even leave your side.” She grinned. “Not that he wants to anyway.”

Your hands paused on the pants you were folding. “Elain, what do you mean by that?”

She got up and started sifting through your closet again. “Mean by what?”

You hesitated. “Nevermind.” You said, deciding to drop the subject. Your attraction to the Shadowsinger wasn’t something that should be on your mind when your help was needed for stopping a virus. Especially not when he was currently taking you to Nesta and Cassian’s cabin, where you’d be staying until mother knows when.

Azriel walked beside you, mostly silent ever since Feyre had winnowed the both of you to the Illyrian camp before leaving to attend to High Lady business. The cabin was a few minutes walk from the edge of Windhaven, isolated from the rest of the camp and proving to be challenging to get to in the winter. You were sure Azriel had slowed his pace a little so you wouldn’t be left behind.

You couldn’t help but admit that even in the frightfully cold weather, the forest around the Illyrian camp was beautiful. The dark greens of the trees appeared in splotches underneath the snow that had fallen on them. Behind them, not so far in the distance, were the enormous Illyrian mountains. They too were blanketed in the winter snow.

“We’re almost there.” His cool voice cut through the silence. “They’ll have a fire going. One of the women here runs a store that sells thick clothes, we can buy some for you tomorrow.”

“I’m not that cold.” You rubbed away the frost on your eyelashes.

“I can see you’re shivering.”

“Well like you said, we’ll be at the cabin soon.”

“We won’t always be at the cabin.” The calm that Azriel’s voice always possessed seemed to be faltering. “The days are going to get even colder towards Solstice. You’ll become ill if you don’t take care of yourself.”

“I’m not going to get sick. I’m an apothecary. I know how to take care of myself.”

Azriel stepped in front of you. “You don’t always need to act tough.” He said.

“I’m not _acting_ anything.” You tried to step around him, but he just spread his wings out to block your path.

“This virus has bedridden some people to the point where they can only be awake for a few hours each day. If that happens to you, then bringing you here would’ve been for nothing.”

You dug your fingers into your palms. “I am well aware of that Spymaster. Do you think I don’t understand that these people need my help? That they won’t get it if I end up just like them? Do you honestly think I’m that stupid?”

“I don’t think you’re stupid at all-”

“Then trust that I know what I’m doing when it comes to my own health.” Your voice was cold as the air around you. “On that note, I don’t think standing out here in the freezing snow is going to do either of us any favours so how about we keep moving towards the cabin?”  
  
Azriel said nothing as he turned around and kept walking, but his hands were clenched and his wings tucked rigidly into his back. He had stopped slowing his pace and was easily walking ahead of you, clearly used to trekking through the snow and tired of arguing with you.

You walked for another five minutes, the cabin slowly coming into view atop the hillside. The sun had begun setting over the mountains, casting long, cold shadows over everything before them. You could see that the main room of the cabin was indeed lit by a fire and quickened your pace as much as your frozen legs would allow you.

Azriel had already reached the cabin’s steps by the time you made it there, trying not to let it show that you were panting from the walk. Azriel inclined his head, gesturing for you to go first. You sighed and decided to oblige him.

It was on one of the middle steps that you placed your foot slightly wrong and slipped on the ice. Letting out a surprised yelp you braced yourself for the fall as your legs few out from underneath you, only to feel strong, warm arms wrap around your middle just before you hit the ground.

Realising you had snapped your eyes shut when you feel, you opened them to see Azriel staring down at you, your faces only inches apart and your breathing fogging in the frosty air.

“Careful.” He breathed, still holding on to you.

The front door swung open with a loud creak to reveal Cassian. He grinned when he saw the position you were in.

“Hope I’m not interrupting anything. A moment of budding romance perhaps?”

“Hardly,” you replied, grabbing onto Azriel’s arm to push yourself back onto your feet. His hands lingered on your waist until your feet were firmly on the steps. “I slipped on the ice.”

“On purpose?” Cassian raised his eyebrows.

“Oh please.” Said a sharp female voice from inside. Cassian was pulled back into the room and a striking woman with sharp, angled features and hard eyes took his place. Nesta. “That sort of behaviour I would expect from someone like you. I expect the apothecary has a lot better skill than that in the art of flirtation.”

You walked up the rest of the steps, careful not to trip again. You were extremely aware of Azriel’s presence beside you, the ghost of his touch on your hips.

“You must be Nesta.” You said in way of greeting.

She looked you up and down, then satisfied with her examination she said, “come in. I’ve been stuck in this cabin for months with that brute and am in desperate need of good company.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay safe everyone!


	7. Chapter 7

“Elain speaks highly of you in her letters,” Nesta said as she retreated from the doorway, gesturing for you to follow. “I hope that confidence isn’t misplaced. We have a lot of sick people here. The women have been especially affected.” 

“I’ll do everything within my ability to find the cause and stop the virus.” You said. 

Nesta nodded. “Good.” 

Azriel followed you silently inside. There was a fire burning in the hearth and you sighed in relief as the warmth in the room touched your skin through your clothes and started to melt away the ice on your bones. 

“I’ve been an apothecary for many years and have helped with a few outbreaks of disease in the past, but I’ve usually always had others to consult. Have any other healers been contacted?” You asked.

“Rhysand wanted to keep things quiet to avoid making the camps look weak,” Cassian said. 

“Of course he does.” Nesta scoffed, turning to you and putting her back to Cassian. “Our most glorious High Lord always seems to care more about image than about actual people.”

You took a breath, unsure of what to say. The air in the room had gone taught with tension. There were clearly grievances you weren’t aware of. 

Cassian’s wings flared and he took a step toward Nesta, saving you from having to respond. “If the rest of the Night Court or the other courts found out that Illyria was in the beginnings of a pandemic it would make us look weak. If they think we are weak, they will attack.”

“For an army commander you really don’t have any idea of battle tactics.” Nesta spat, still not turning.

“Don’t I?”

“No, you don’t.” Nesta’s eyes flared with silver, focused on a patch of wall behind you. “No leader with any common sense would attack the Illyrians at the beginning of a pandemic. The smartest thing to do would be to wait until the virus killed off everyone it could and then attack what’s left.”

“We don’t want them to attack whoever’s left. We don’t want them to attack at all. That’s why we’re keeping this whole thing quiet.”

Nesta spun around to face him then, hands clenched at her sides. “Well if Rhysand employed the help of more healers then this virus would be cured quicker and the camps wouldn’t be left weak, or looking weak at all, would they? But no, my brother in law fails to see reason. As usual.”

You looked at Azriel again, realising he had stepped closer to you. Cassian went to retort before Azriel intervened. 

“We have an apothecary here now who is willing to help,” Azriel said, commanding the attention in the room with the coldness of his voice. “Even if she has previously had the consult of others, she was a key contributor to the cure of the Blue Disease that ravaged the Dawn and Day Courts. However, she will not be able to help anyone if our hosts don’t stop squabbling and allow us both to get a good night’s sleep. It is, after all, almost nightfall and we have had a tiring day.”

The room dropped into silence only broken by the crackling of the fire. Azriel and Cassian locked eyes in a silent argument. You fidgeted with your fingers, hoping that they weren’t about to start a fight. There was no way you could stop two Illyrian warriors if they decided to go at each other.

There was a particularly loud pop of firewood from the hearth and you didn’t miss the way that Nesta flinched at it. Neither of the males seemed to notice, but it was enough to prompt Nesta to end the silence.

“Of course.” She smoothed down her skirts. “You will need your rest.”

“There are only three rooms in the cabin,” Cassian said, finally breaking eye contact with Azriel. “I doubt you want to sleep with me, and Nesta kicks in her sleep, so you and Azriel can have the spare room.”

Nesta rolled her eyes but didn’t say anything to contest it. You got the impression she valued her personal space. 

“You don’t have to share the bed with me.” Azriel immediately said. “I can sleep on the sofa.”

You paused, looking through the window to the outside, where snow was starting to fall against the darkening sky. 

“You’ll be cold.” 

“No, the fire will be on.” 

Nesta turned her eyes to the ground and stared hard at the floorboards. You noticed the array of candles that littered any available space in the kitchen and living room, then the lack of ash around the hearth. The fire was not normally lit. 

“Don’t be stupid.” You said, making a decision. “You’ll hurt your back sleeping on the sofa. We’re both adults, I’m sure we’re both mature enough to share a bed. Unless you’re afraid of girl germs?”

Azriel searched your face while you pretended not to be nervous about his response. 

“If you’re comfortable with that.” He finally said. “But I sleep on the left side.” 

“Are you sure you lovebirds want a bed,” Cassian said, “and not a nest?”

Nesta smacked his shoulder and whispered something harshly but Cassian only smirked. You swore you could see a hint of red on the Shadowsinger’s cheeks.

This was going to be… _interesting_. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a short chapter, but more is on the way!


	8. Chapter 8

Dinner was a short affair. Over a stew that had to your surprise been made by Cassian, Nesta gave a brief account of life in the camps over the past few days. It was worse than you’d assumed. Due to two-thirds of the ill being female, most of them had been confined to their houses by their husbands or fathers.

“While it’s probably the right thing to do, it’s just another excuse for the males to control them,” Cassian said. Azriel had nodded silently in agreement. 

Though as an extra precaution, the children were shut inside with the women. For the first time in most of the Illyrian’s memories, training for the boys was halted in the camps that were affected and the young warriors were ushered inside with their sisters. 

The sick were confined to a separate room of the house or another house entirely. At least, those who had a house. The bastards in their makeshift tents had been left by themselves, caring for themselves.

It was over in a quarter of an hour, with Nesta retiring early to her room and yourself following too soon after, leaving the males to talk about how this was affecting the progress of the girls’ training.

You exhaled slowly as you closed the bedroom door behind you, leaning your head back against the wood. According to Nesta, last week the virus had affected around fifty people and was mainly centred in Windhaven, with only a few cases in one of the neighbouring camps. But now, in only seven days, those numbers had almost tripled and were now spread across four camps.

How were you meant to deal with this on your own? With the sudden rate of increased spreading the virus was likely adapting very fast to multiply itself. If Azriel hadn’t been able to places or ways that the virus was being transmitted, this could likely be the beginnings of a very deadly pandemic. 

You rubbed your eyes, taking in the room. The walls were illuminated by two lamps that sat on small wooden tables beside the bed. The bed itself, placed in the middle of the room, was a good deal larger than you were used to, probably on account of it having to accommodate the massive wings of the Illyrians. And Azriel’s wings were quite large. 

If Illyrians were similar to Peregryns in what they thought about wingspan, Azriel must be very impressive. 

You blocked out the thought before it could escalate.

Pushing yourself off the door, you walked over to the bags Azriel had carried into the room earlier. Two days, you thought as you pulled out your nightclothes and quickly put them on. If after two days you hadn’t identified the virus and were on the way to finding a cure, you’d contact High Lord Thesan to send anyone he could, consequences and reputation be damned.

Folding your clothes neatly and setting them on a chair in the corner, you knelt beside your bag of supplies and began unpacking it.

There was a small knock at the door. “Are you decent?” Azriel’s muffled voice said. 

“I am.” You called back, not too loud in case Nesta was already asleep. 

The door creaked softly as he walked in. His fighting leathers were gone and in their place were a loose-fitting grey shirt and pair of pants. Despite seeming to be quite thick, the outfit still showed off the muscles beneath them. 

You focused your eyes on the objects in front of you. “That was quick.”

“I got changed in Cassian’s room.”

“Ah.” 

Not wanting to focus on the silence that followed you began arranging your things neatly on the floor into sections, avoiding looking at Azriel in case your eyes dropped to somewhere they shouldn’t. He stepped soundlessly across the floorboards over to the bed.

“You brought the book.” He said. 

You looked up at him, and he gestured to your pile. ‘ _An Encyclopaedia Of Xianese Poisons’_ was sitting on the top.

“I told you it was important to my work.” You said, rearranging the pile. “Some parts of poisonous plants can also be used for medicine.”

“How ironic.” 

“I guess it is.”

You took a deep breath and walked over to your side of the bed. The whole sharing thing would be a lot less awkward if you just got it over and done with. After extinguishing the lamp on your side, you put a great deal of effort into not looking at Azriel as you slipped underneath the soft linens.

He blew out the flame in his own lantern, plunging the room into darkness only broken by the soft moonlight shining through the window. The mattress dipped as he pulled back the covers and got in next to you. You shuffled closer to the edge of the bed, not wanting the awkwardness of any accidental touching.

Although he had settled facing you, Azriel seemed to have the same idea about staying on his own side, despite the fact that _his side_ was nearly two thirds of the bed. You could see that even with him taking up such a large section of the mattress and being literally only inches away from each other, the edges of his wings still hung off the side.

Large wings indeed. You moved the arm closest to him up onto the pillow, hoping it might help to hide any embarrassment on your face. _  
_

“The engravings on that cuff, they seem familiar,” Azriel said. His voice sounded like it belonged to the darkness around you.

You realised the arm which you moved was the arm you wore your cuff on and the sleeve of your nightshirt had slipped down to reveal it.

“It’s enchanted. A detection spell. If I ever get poisoned, the runes will start to glow.”

“That’s very old magic.”

“It is. That kind of magic isn’t very common among the younger apothecaries. It was my master’s, he gave it to me when I completed my apprenticeship.”

“He didn’t want to keep it?” 

You let out a small laugh. “No. He decided to become a violinist after that. Perhaps the strain of having me as a student drove him out of the profession.”

“I wouldn’t rule out the possibility. You’re very stubborn when you want to be.”

You tensed. “I was not being stubborn.”

“You were.”

“I was not, Shadowsinger.”

“So you weren’t cold at all then?”

You rolled onto your side to stare him down, then wished you hadn’t. Even in the darkness, you could still see his hazel eyes. Just like the first time you met, they stunned you with their beauty. Now, they were only inches away. Azriel was only inches away. It wouldn’t even take more than a second to move your hand to his cheek. Or his hair. Or brush your fingers across his lips.

His shadows danced in the space between you.

“Of course I was a little cold. I think anyone would be if they walking in the open elements of snow-covered steppes.” You finally said.

What little of Azriel’s features you could see tightened. “The winters here are unforgiving and the temperature drops rapidly during the night. At the very least you’re going to need new nightclothes. Your current ones are far too thin.”

Your cheeks heated. “These were the warmest ones that I had and it’s not like I had time to procure others.”

“You’ll have time tomorrow when we go to buy you warmer clothes.”

“Don’t males prefer it when females were thinner clothing?”

“If I had to choose between seeing you in bulky clothing that’s actually suitable for winter nights or seeing you bedridden with sickness because of unsuitable clothing, I wouldn’t choose the latter.”

Your hands clutched the bedsheets and brought them up to your neck. The Illyrians were warriors bred to brace this kind of cold every year. If you were bundled up like some sort of child they weren’t going to take you seriously, or trust you. They were probably already predisposed to be wary of you as an outsider, and not appearing strong enough would do you no favours. 

But even now, in bed with another person’s warmth beside you, the touch of the outside chill still crept along your skin. 

“Fine.” You relented. “But only after I’ve seen to the sick. They’re the first priority.”

“It’s better to go-"

“After I see to the sick.”

“Fine,” Azriel said evenly. “We can do it your way.”

With the argument ended, you rolled over onto your other side. The room felt much darker in the silence. You weren’t used to sleeping without the dull hum of the city anymore. Without the golden glow of the street lamps below your window. In this noiselessness, it was painfully obvious you weren’t in the safety of your home anymore.

“Goodnight, Azriel.” You whispered. Saying it if only to make noise.

“Goodnight.” He murmured back. “Sleep well.”

You took a deep breath, relaxing into the mattress and focusing on the gentle rhythm of Azriel’s breathing as you drifted to sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this took me so long to update! Hope you enjoy.

The next morning you awoke curled in on yourself, alone in the bed. The sheets on Azriel’s side were already pulled up and neatly arranged, though as you reached out and smoothed your hand over the fabric you could feel the faintest trace of warmth that still lingered there. He mustn’t have left too long ago.

You ignored the irrational disappointment that swelled in your chest. He wasn’t your lover. You had no reason to want to wake up beside him. There would’ve been too much awkward tension anyway, after the disagreements you kept having yesterday.

With the soft light of dawn spilling in through the window, the bedroom looked much less foreign than it had last night. If you didn’t know any better, you would have thought you weren’t in an Illyrian war camp about to try and cure a disease that had no confirmed origin.

_No one has died yet_ , you reassured yourself as you got dressed. You just hoped it stayed that way.

Cassian and Azriel were already outfitted in full Illyrian armour and sitting at the dining table eating breakfast quietly as you walked out. Azriel looked up as you entered.

“Good morning.” He said.

“Morning Azriel. Cassian.” You nodded to the commander.

“Morning," Cassian said, drawing out the word. His eyes flicked between you and the shadowsinger. “Sleep well?”

“I did, thank you.”

“I hope there was no funny business last night."

"Cassian.” Azriel said, voice low. A warning.

Cassian held his hands up. “This is a family-friendly household. I’m just making sure-”

“Cassian made porridge.” Azriel interrupted. He gestured to the lidded pot in the middle of the table. “Help yourself to as much as you’d like.”

Taking a seat next to the shadowsinger you served yourself a bowl. The table was silent as you began to eat, but not without tension. In your periphery, spirals of shadows busied themselves around the Azriel, who had his hand on his spoon but was not eating. He was glaring at Cassian, who was leaning back in his chair with a smug expression.

“The porridge is actually very good Cassian.”

“Very good? Didn’t you think I could cook?"

“No.” You said simply. Azriel snorted.

“I don’t know why you’re laughing, busybody. It’s not like you can cook anything edible.” Cassian leaned over the table as if he were sharing a secret. “Azriel can’t cook for shit. The last three times he’s made dinner he’s burnt it."

"I only burnt it because you distracted me with your incessant complaining about your personal life.” The Shadowsinger adjusted himself, leaning forward in his seat. “If you don’t remember what you said brother I’m happy to repeat-"

“Nesta!” You exclaimed as she turned the corner, just in time for Cassian to soften back into his playful demeanour.

She raised her eyebrows, scanning you up and down at the sudden outburst. “Good morning.”

You gestured with your eyes between the two males. Nesta immediately understood and she turned to Cassian with an annoyed look.

“Not even finished breakfast and you’re picking fights?"

"Why would you assume it’s me?”

“It’s always you. Azriel doesn’t antagonise others for his own amusement.”

Cassian grumbled but said nothing and he took another spoonful of his meal. You looked at the Shadowsinger, whose gaze was now focused the bowl in front of him, once again unreadable.

“I’ll collect my things so we can head down to the camp as soon as possible.” You stood up. “I’d like to look at as many patients as I can."

"You didn’t finish your breakfast.” Azriel said.

You gave a small shrug. “I’m not that hungry. You can have it if you want.”

He went to say something, but you left the table before he could argue.

***

The wind was just as harsh as yesterday as you walked down the trail. Cassian had business to attend to in another camp today and so your party was down to three.

Nesta stationed herself at your side, leaving Azriel to walk behind you. Even though you hadn’t so much as glanced at Azriel during the walk to the camp, you knew he was watching you and your surroundings. As you came closer to the camp and the few wandering males caught sight of you and Nesta, you were glad for it.

Although they stayed away, the warriors regarded both of you with general distaste. Nesta didn’t so much as flinch. She was a woman made of brimstone. Her chin never dipped and her fingers never fidgeted. She walked with the elegance and determination of a queen. You were glad to have her next to you, otherwise you may have just cowered underneath their gaze.

“So there’s no connection between the ill then?” You asked Nesta.

"No clear connection. The first place it spread here was at the female training sessions. But then there are males who didn’t attend that who have contracted the virus, as well as females who have had no contact with the females at the training session, or anyone they have had contact with."

"So there are some connections, but they can’t be traced back to a single source."

"I’ve been trying to follow the trail of sickness back to vet at least three or four common starting points, but nothing has come of it," Azriel said from behind you. “It’s very frustrating."

“You’ve done a great job with what little paper trails are available” You turned to look at him through the light snow mist. His gaze was hard and cold. The face of the Night Court’s spymaster. You weren’t used to him looking so stony. “It is possible, that it's an airborne virus that has a further reach than the common flu or cold.”

"I thought that may be possible,” Nesta said, capturing your attention, “but there’s a blacksmith on the edge of town who has been working non-stop for two weeks on new weapons and armour for the females. Nobody but his sister who drops food off outside of his door, has been anywhere near him.”

“And I already know you traced the source of the food that everyone’s eaten and have come to a dead end.” You sighed. “It is possible that it’s a disease that’s come from another court or country, that Illyrians have never been exposed to and that’s why it’s hitting so hard.”

“Could you figure out where?"

"I’ll have to see to the sick first. If I can’t identify it on sight I’ve brought books with me that catalogue diseases in the known world. I’ll have to search those as well.”

“I hope that you can bring this to a swift conclusion then."

The weight on your shoulders was becoming heavier with each passing hour. “So do I.”

The building Nesta led you to was on the other side of the camp. It was made of stone, old and worn with foliage sneaking its way up around the base. The Illyrians you’d seen wandering around the camp were nowhere to be found here. You didn’t blame them if the virus was this bad.

A female opened the door as you approached. She bore the brown skin and dark hair of her people, her wings shrouded in the shadow of the doorway. She stepped forward into the middle of the threshold, sizing up the party at her doorstep before turning her attention to Nesta.

Nesta gestured to you. “Odhira, this is the apothecary that has been sent to help. Apothecary, this is Odhira.” Nesta introduced.

You nodded at Odhira in greeting. She looked you up and down with her mouth drawn in a tight line. There were dark circles under her eyes, and even though she stood proudly, her shoulders still sagged with exhaustion.

“So you’re the healer, then.” She said.

“I am."

"You’d better come in then. The last thing we need is you getting sick.” She turned back inside, waving for you to follow.

You stole a glance at Azriel behind you. He looked at you pointedly. You turned back around and followed Nesta into the house.

The air inside was musty as if the windows hadn’t been opened for months. It reminded you of Blue Disease epidemic, where you spent months in sealed stone buildings full of isolated faeries with strange blue rashes spreading over skin.

The main room was empty, but somebody was having a coughing fit upstairs. Someone else was wheezing.

“I have two girls upstairs that are sick. My daughter and her friend.” Odhira said. “They were two of the girls that attended the training session.”

“The training session two weeks ago, where most of the girls contracted the illness?"

"That’s right.”

Eighteen girls attended the training session that morning. Twelve of them contracted the illness. The food and water had been ruled out as the cause of infection because the boys in a separate training ring had their own water come from the same barrel and had their meals cooked by the same camp in the same kitchen.

“You haven’t been feeling any symptoms yourself, Odhira? No fever, runny nose or even a headache?"

"I have headaches, but I always get headaches when I feel stressed."

"Of course. Are you in contact with anyone else who is caring for the sick?”

“No. I don’t leave the house. The camp mothers drop food at our door.”

Another thing that had occurred to you as strange while looking through Azriel’s notes. Almost none of the carers for the ill had been infected.

“And the flu remedy that the commander delivered did nothing?”

“The girls were exactly the same after they took it."

That was very concerning. You had spent decades perfecting that medicine and even with the most severe cases of the flu it had made some kind of impact.

“May I see them?”

“Of course.” Odhira waved you over to a set of stairs at the back of the room.

You tied a scarf around your nose and mouth, Nesta doing the same, and followed her up the narrow staircase. Azriel waited behind downstairs. Odhira stopped before one of the two doors in the hallway, pausing for a second to take a deep breath before opening the door.

The two girls lay side by side in one bed, one awake and one asleep. On the left side was a younger version of Odhira, her daughter then, who looked up wearily as we entered. Her friend was still asleep next to her. She was the one wheezing.

“Who are you?” Odhira’s daughter croaked out. Her mother went to her side, brushing sweaty strands of hair out of her washed-out face. The poor girl looked like she was too weak to even lift her head.

“This is the apothecary from Velairs, my love. She’s come here to help you.”

You crouched down next to the bed. “What’s your name sweetie?”

“Lenara."

"Okay, Lenara I’m going to need your help to figure out what’s wrong. I’m going to ask you some questions and I’ll need you to sit up for a little bit so I can do checks around your chest, is that okay?"

Lenara nodded slowly, tiredly, and looked up at her mother. Odhira took her daughter's hand and squeezed tightly.

You asked the routine questions; what symptoms she was experiencing, where was the pain coming from, what remedies were working to ease the pain and which ones weren’t. With a croaky voice, Lenara told you that her whole body felt hot. That it was worse than any fever she’d ever had, that it felt like she was slowly being cooked alive.

You silently fumed at that. Nesta had told you on the walk over that she had been asking Rhysand for help with the virus since it had first come to Windhaven, but until you he had refused to send anyone into Illyria even after Azriel and Cassian had urged him to do so. One look at Nesta standing quietly in the corner confirmed that she was also trying to hide her rage at the state of these sickly girls. They couldn’t be older than fifteen.

When it became too much for Lenara to continue speaking in full sentences, Odhira said that a few times a day she opened the windows for the girls to let the wind in to cool their skin. Never for too long though, in case the cold only made them worse.

Other than that only rest and a special Illyrian tea design to soothe sore throats were the only thing that had been able to ease their pain, but there was nothing that had reduced it significantly.

Lenara’s heartbeat was slower than normal and when you pressed on her pressure points she experienced more pain than she should have for someone with the flu. As you checked the rest of her body you noticed with no pleasure that her skin, as well as being hot, was reddening and her veins were darker and much more prominent than they should have been.

Perhaps the most worrying thing however, were the strange, green bruise like marks that had started to form all over her body. According to Odhira, the random patches of discolouration had started to appear only a few days after she became sick. Gods, it was as if the Blue Disease had decided to become green.

After Lenara had been checked over Odhira woke her friend and you went through the same process with her, finding the same results. To put it frankly, these girls were extremely sick and not only was the illness a far greater threat than the flu, but it was also something you’d never seen before.

You’d need to consult your books, and you definitely needed the help of other healers. It was beginning look like you were extremely under-qualified for this. There was no way you could wait two days to see the outcome of this.

When you were done Odhira led you and Nesta back downstairs. Everybody stood in silence waiting for your verdict.

“I can’t say for certain what the illness is or what’s causing it, but it looks much worse than the flu. You should take extra precautions, Odhira. Wear a covering over your nose and mouth when you enter their room and wash your hands straight after you leave.

“You also need to make sure they’re hydrated. Give them at least eight cups of water each every day. I would also suggest collecting some ice from outside, wrapping it in a towel and putting it on their foreheads. It may help to ease the pain a little."

Odhira looked pleadingly at Nesta, then back to you. “There’s nothing else you can do?"

“This is only the first house I’ve visited today. Tonight after I look at the rest of the infected I’ll alter my flu remedy to try and combat this illness and bring it to you tomorrow morning. I can see you’ve done a wonderful job of looking after them, so I’m sure that they’ll be safe in your hands for the night.”

Odhira's shoulders slumped and she sighed as she pushed back the strands of hair that had escaped the coil of hair at her neck. “Thank you, apothecary.”

You nodded. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Remember to take care of yourself as well.”

Nesta said goodbye Odhira and followed you out the front door as Azriel held it open. The wind whipped against your cheeks the moment you stepped over the threshold, muffling out the farewell Azriel quietly said to Odhira before closing the door.

You faced Azriel, squaring your shoulders. “There is no way I’m going to be able to find a cure for this on my own. I need Rhysand to send help as soon as possible and I need you to convince him to do it. I don’t care what you have to do or how long it takes but this needs to happen and it needs to happen now."

Your breaths came out in puffs of white cloud, your heart thumping in your chest as you lungs worked harder in the snow. Azriel stepped towards you, so closely his shadows reached out to dance around your body.

“These camps are dangerous. Someone may get ideas about hurting you if they know I’m not here to murder them for it.”

“I’ll be fine, Azriel.” Your heart wasn’t thumping just because of the cold anymore.

"You can’t fight."

"I’ll protect her, Shadowsinger.” Azriel’s eyebrows rose as he observed Nesta. She stared right back. “My powers have progressed since you last saw me.”

“Those girls in there need your help, Azriel.” You gestured to Odhira’s house, pleading.

Azriel looked out towards the towering mountains then down at the ground, fighting some internal battle in his head. Finally, he took in a deep breath and raised his gaze back to yours.

“I’ll go to Rhysand straight away and convince him to send more help.”

“Thank you.” You breathed with relief.

Azriel said to Nesta, “if I’m not back by the time you finish seeing to the sick I need you to take her to Emerie’s store. She needs warmer clothes.”

Nesta nodded.

He adjusted his wings so that Nesta was blocked from your view, and you from hers. “You need to promise me you’ll take extra precaution while I’m gone. With the sickness and with the people here."

"I promise.” You said. “I’m sure Nesta is complete capable fo catching me if I slip on any more stairs."

He chuckled, dark hair falling across his forehead. “Not too capable I hope. I wouldn’t want to lose any job that has you falling into my arms.”

You hit his shoulder, though you knew your efforts to hide your smile were in vain. “Oh, stop it. Go see Rhysand.”

“As the lady commands.” Azriel bowed his head and stepped back. In no more than a few seconds, his shadows wrapped themselves around him and he melted into the darkness, before disappearing completely.

You took in a lungful of the freezing winter air and turned to Nesta, who was watching you with eyebrows raised. “Where’s the next house?”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Featuring: Cassian being a househusand for the first few paragraphs

By the time the sun had sunk behind the nearby mountains that afternoon, you had converted Cassian and Nesta’s dining table into your own makeshift workshop. When Cassian once again made dinner the three of you ate standing up in the kitchen silently, looking at the little progress made from such a giant mess.

Azriel still hadn’t returned when you finished the meal. Cassian had sat a fourth bowl on the bench beside the stove anyway. Just in case.

As Cassian washed the dishes Nesta stood beside you at the table and watched as you stirred the small cauldron. You had been trying to add other ingredients like the Illyrian tea leaves that Odhira used to the flu medicine for hours, with no luck in creating a final product.

A particularly strong gust of wind made the kitchen window rattle. Through the glass you could see the dark, wintery wilderness being shaken by a particularly cold and windy night. Was Azriel flying through that weather? No, you reminded yourself. He could winnow. Still, the thought of him not having returned yet made your gut twist.

In a low voice, Nesta said, “he’ll be back soon.”

“I know.” You focused back on the potion. “I just worry that it’s taking this long to convince the High Lord to send help.”

“Rhys may have needed him for other tasks," Cassian said.

“Maybe.” You replied. In the corner of your eye you saw them look at each other, and the conversation ended.

The night dragged on and soon you hosts were saying goodnight. By then you had wanted to hurl all the bowls and vials at the wall in frustration. You had to have _something_ to give to the sick tomorrow. Some sort of improvement on your flu remedy. All you had so far was perhaps a different, but not necessarily more effective medicine. Not against whatever this virus was anyway.

Your current working theory was that those affected had to share some sort of invisible trait that made them more susceptible to this certain strain of sickness. Perhaps it was a hidden hereditary trait, something that was only passed down through certain members of the family. You’d seen that with chronic illnesses before.

The sudden sound of steps on the front porch drew your attention away from the books and pots in front of you. Somebody kicked their boots against the wall to get the snow off. Azriel was back. You rubbed your eyes, too tired to unpack the relief you felt from that.

The door creaked softly as he walked in. The candles you had placed around the kitchen had almost burnt out, Azriel’s shadows making it look as if he was half made of shadows himself. You supposed he was in a way part of the darkness. Or the darkness was a part of him.

His face turned from tired to filled with worry as he shut the door and looked over at you. You went to speak but were suddenly without words.

“Was there anyway trouble after I left?” His eyes scanned you as if he would somehow be able to tell if you were injured under your clothes. You shook your head and Azriel’s shoulders sagged as he sighed in relief and said, “Good. I’m glad.”

“Did Rhysand agree?” Your voice came out hoarse.

“Not at first, but I convinced him. He’s sent out requests for help to both the Day and Dawn Court. Thesan has already replied saying he’ll send out a group of healers tomorrow afternoon.” He smiled. “Apparently mentioning you by name has its benefits.”

“I’m sure it would. I’ve worked closely with Thesan and his official inventor Nuan before."

He walked over to stand at your side. You straightened your back and blinked a few times as if that would make your fatigue go away. “Have you found anything?” He asked.

You sighed, flipping the page of a book idly. “No. Not really. The tea Odhira has been giving her daughter must’ve helped, so I’ve managed to add that to my original potion, but I can’t know anything until somebody tries it. Maybe I should just try and start a whole new remedy from scratch.”

You didn’t say what you were really thinking, that you should know what this virus is. That you should have been able to identify it by now. If you were as good at your job as you thought you were, as good everyone else thought, that you would be at least a little further into figuring out how to cure it.”

“I should’ve taken you with me to Velaris so that you had access to your shop," Azriel murmured.

“I doubt there was much more I could do there than I could do here. I brought all of my base ingredients with me, and it would be dangerous to test out rare ingredients without even knowing what this virus is.”

You scanned the pages of the books open on the table for what seemed like the hundredth time. Your eyes unfocused and the letters swirled around into one big inky mess.

“You visited the clothier?”

“I said I would didn’t I?” You gave him a tired smile. “I bought a new pair of pants and a jacket that is big enough to go over my current clothes. Also some boots that make it easier to walk in the snow.”

“Nightclothes?"

You thought that it had to be at least seventy years since a male had been interested in what you wore to bed.

"Emerie, who is lovely by the way, only had one pair left. They were left over from her autumn shipment so they’re not as warm as winter ones, but they’re still thicker than the what I wore last night."

"I have a spare pair of winter socks that you can borrow as well if you’d like them?”

“Thank you.” You said, before trying to cover up a yawn.

“It's after midnight, you should get some sleep. Start again tomorrow morning.” He said.

“But-“

He reached out a scarred hand, and touched your shoulder, turning you towards him. “Come on, let’s got to bed.” He said softly.

Running a hand through your hair you relented and nodded. “Okay. Give me a minute. I still need to clean up a bit.”

“I’ll get changed in the bathroom and leave the socks on the bed," Azriel said, walking our of the kitchen.

Magic meant it was easy to clean up your messes. Deciding that you didn’t feel like being too orderly tonight made tidying even easier and you were done in a matter of seconds.

The socks were on the bed just as he said they would be. You pulled them on last and then got into bed. It was much warmer than last night, and with the sudden drop in temperature this evening you were grateful for that.

Azriel walked through the door as you pulled up the covers, blowing out the candles and sliding in next to you, spreading his wings out behind him.

“You look a lot warmer tonight.” He said.

You dropped your head to the side, face to face with him again.

“I am.” You sighed. “You were right.”

“About?"

"You know what about.”

He grinned. “I do. I just wanted to hear you say it again."

You folded your hands over your stomach. “You were right about needing warmer clothes. After seeing all those sick people today I don’t want to take any chances.”

Azriel was quiet for a moment. You looked at the ceiling, knowing he was studying your face.

“You don’t need to act so tough around me.” He finally said, voice soft.

“I’m not-“ You began to argue, then realised he was right. You sighed in defeat. “Vulnerability leads to failure. And I can’t fail, especially not now with so many people violently ill.”

“The only area you can’t fail in is your work. It’s okay to make other mistakes.”

“Like slipping on an icy step?"

"Only make that mistake if I’m there to catch you.”

You laughed. “That’s twice today you’ve made a joke about catching me."

"I’ll make another at breakfast.” He teased. “But I mean what I said.”

For most of your life you hadn’t had a lot of people to rely on, only yourself and the few close friends you knew you could trust. Was letting your guard down around a male you only met two weeks ago really a good idea?

You supposed you were already sharing a bed with him, so you trusted him enough not to murder you in your sleep.

“Thank you, Azriel. And I already know you’re not one to show your emotions but that offer goes both ways, okay?"

"Thank you,” He said. “We should get some sleep.”

You both said goodnight and settled underneath the warmth of the covers. With the sudden chill, you were half tempted to crawl over to Azriel’s side just for the extra bit of heat, but within a few minutes tiredness overtook you and you drifted to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so ACOSF comes out in like two days and I was originally hoping to have this fic done by its release but that is definitely not going to happen. So this fic is probably not going to be compliant AT ALL with what happens in the book between Cassian and Nesta. 
> 
> Hope everyone has fun reading the new book, but remember to not post spoilers too soon or tag them if you do!


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